i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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