I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We left the knife in your bed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
