I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
