Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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