We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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