he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
