weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
