Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
