My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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