Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize