You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
