all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
