What did we do last night that was yellow?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
