Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
