Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
