When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
