so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
