Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
