i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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