Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
