I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
