North Korea, Best Korea!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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