is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
