Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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