she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
