Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
