Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
