She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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