So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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