i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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