I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
