Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
