I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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