his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
