My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
