ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
