I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
