So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
