Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
