Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
