Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
