2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
