I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
