I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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