Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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