I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
