I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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