I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
