Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
