I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
