Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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