He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
