she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
