Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
