he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
