just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
