that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
