Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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