Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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