Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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