the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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