well you can't waste a boner
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
