Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
