Tell her she can't have a vagina
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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